Typically, the business of handling auto accident claims is a serious matter—especially when lives are on the line.
The following testimonies, however, are anything but serious.
The quotes featured here were pulled from a list at
LetterPile that collected 50 of the funniest or most bizarre excuses drivers have given to insurers and the authorities following car accidents.
Disclaimer: Do not use these lines should you ever find yourself involved in a car accident, unless you want
Insurance Business to write a
Far Out Friday feature starring you.
Purportedly genuine insurance claims:
- Leaving home for work I drove out of my drive and straight into a bus; the bus was five minutes early.
- I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to hospital where I sustained serious injuries.
- I don't know who was to blame for the accident; I wasn't looking.
Quotes related to pedestrians:
- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
- The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
- The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
On stationary objects:
- I collided with a stationary tree.
- The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.
- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
Lines said to traffic patrol officers:
- I'm sorry officer for speeding, but without my glasses I can't hardly see the speedometer.
- Sorry, Officer, I know I was speeding, but I was trying to get to the gas station in a hurry before I ran out of gas.
- My wife ran off with a state policeman and when I saw your flashing lights I didn't stop because for a second, I thought you might be the trooper who is trying to bring her back to me.
Animal-related flubs:
- A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
- In attempting to kill a fly I drove into a telegraph pole.
Attempts to deflect responsibility:
- I left my car unattended for a minute and, whether by accident or design, it ran away.
- An Invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.
- I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it was the other one.
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